since my birthday, that is... yeah, believe me, time flies so fast... school's getting to the point where it is just plain depressing, teachers heaping piles and piles of "I know you will do well" and stuff like that on you, otherwise homework which amounts to the same effect... and it's not that it is any different from last term, but then school's always been depressing anyway... the added pressure of homework seems to be making me crack...
with everything happening at whirlwind pace, it's honestly suprising that i can still have a good sense of what's happening around me... i'm feeling tired, or is that just my problems weighing on me? whatever... sometimes i just feel like dropping everything, with all the fakeness and pretense, gah...
maybe it's just temporary... who's to say... i'll yet see the end of this...
then life stretches out before me, and after a while... there just doesn't seem to be much relevance to it... maybe i'm just lost... maybe this, maybe that, bla bla bla...
saw an annoying quote today, i have no idea why, but i found it annoying... "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"... pfft, pain is only inevitable if you think it is what it seems to be, isn't it? after all, if everything is a perspective, nothing is definite, nothing more than the idea that no certainty can be found... but then that is a paradox...
if life was so dependent on luck, why are we so afraid to admit it? fear, fear of not being in control... after all, we all want to control things, don't we? I hate not being in control of my little sphere of acquaintances and friends... and yet nothing can be done, how can we ever have full control? we just keep wanting more and more...
i probably shouldn't be ranting so much over trivial matters, but it helps me think, so there. someday perhaps i'll look back at this and think: "what a fool i was, how young, rash, and obnoxious"... but then that'll be a while from now...
I think I'll go to sleep, my headache keeps bothering me, too much thinking these past few days... perhaps it is just better to forget it all... Nite~
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