Meaningless...

Exactly what the title says. Meaningless. I feel like that right now. In and out of school, going in and out of home; never here nor there. I feel like I have no true friends at times, I cannot enjoy anything. Probably my own enjoyment is only derived from the pleasure of the "Great Game". Yet, all I do for advancement in the Game does not bring me pleasure.

Friends? Sometimes I do not know what to say. I really never know who really are my friends or otherwise. Truth is, I highly doubt anyone even knows me for who I am. Lonely? Of course I am. Why else would I ramble on and on here? I hide behind the multitude of masks I have, each time wearing a different one. Of course, it's the only way to bring intrigue I sorely feel the lack of into the Game.

People think they know me so well. Sadly, this is far from the truth. None can understand me without first becoming me. It's pure fact. Exactly why I cannot understand others, and that I can understand some. Some are like me in parts, and others unlike.

The Great Game? It's nothing, save an imaginary playing board, where everyone becomes a piece on the board. Everything is done by moves, manipulation of pieces to achieve an aim: Everyone, icluding myself, is a player, and we are all means to an end. I admit I'm not too good a player of the Game, I cannot bear to manipulate some at times; guilt is something I cannot completely mask.

I am troubled, honestly I am. I just feel so weary and tired. At least I never let my mask slip in school. Probably everyone thinks I'm just tired. That, in itself, is good. I cannot afford to have holes in the fascade.

And once more, I rant on and on. Truly, I must say, I will never understand some people. Somehow seeming sincere, but yet I must be wary, I always am. My experiences have changed me so. So hence I watch.

Anyway....
*Draws deep breath*
School was completely and utterly boring and useless. Nothing to be done. Lazing around in field at lunch... Playing diplomacy during english, and apparently my country is quite strong. Like I care. Some people care too much.